The Caring Counselor

Yours truly has been on an acceptance and commitment therapy kick lately. I like that it does not cause you to gaslight yourself like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Nor does it carry all of the technical psychobabble that dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) has. Instead, it gives us a realistic way to handle life’s problems as they come along.

One main principle is in the name. Acceptance is not easy to master, but it can be so powerful. It helps to see things for what they are and to approach situations objectively. This is why I often preach acceptance with my clients. It keeps us focused, grounded, and present.

Yet, the challenge is I often hear is not “why” but rather “how?” How does one stay present and accept reality as it comes. It goes against our very way of thinking. You need to always think ten steps ahead and consider every possible outcome. Good luck with that. An analogy I developed that has helped my clients break this habit is that of the conveyor belt.

Imagine you are working for your internal mental warehouse. Your job is to inspect the boxes inside the warehouse, as they come down the conveyor belt. The boxes’ contents include thoughts, feelings, situations, memories, people, etc. When the box ends up in front of you, you have a choice to make.

A) Ignore the box

OR

B) Open up the box and examine its contents.

If you ignore what is in there, think about the consequences. The boxes behind it will eventually catch up. Uh oh. Boxes on boxes on boxes. It will get backlogged. Since this is your mind, this is the analogy for racing thoughts or rumination. You are going to get overwhelmed and scattered.

If you decide to look inside, you made a conscious choice. You can take a moment right now and see what’s going on in there. After seeing what’s in there, you make your next decision. What to do with what is in the box? This is your resolution. It could be something as simple as a distraction or simply accepting the box as is. It could involve confronting the situation in real-time and having to work through it with action. Once completed though, the box moves down the conveyor belt, readying you for the next one.