The Caring Counselor

You guys seem to like it when I keep it real on here. Well, it’s been a while since I even posted here. Let alone let you in on the deep thought. Lately, that’s all I have been bathing in. All the deep thought.

Unfortunately, not the good vibe kind of deep thought. More like the doom and despair type. And just the other day in my therapy session did it hit me as to why I felt so low.

At the age of sixteen, I saw a psychotherapist in the next town over from my hometown. I grew up in the southernmost county of New Jersey right along the infamous Jersey Shore (This is an important detail later on.). In our area, there were not many mental health providers. Our region was known primarily for its summertime tourism that peaked between May and September. During the remaining months, festivities died down drastically. The population shrank nearly tenfold. No exaggeration.

Being a local meant preparing for the annual resurgence and dying down. You learned how to spread out your resources as well and sometimes those resources were slim pickings. This was true for counseling services too. This woman was one of the few in our area, and keep in mind that this was twenty years ago before mental health was “cool.” I saw her for a few months, but her sessions weren’t what stuck out to me.

She rented out the top floor of this building to a massage therapist. This seemed weird, but it turned out that they had a strong working relationship. They referred clients to one another constantly, and it made sense. Don’t just treat the mind. Treat the whole individual. Even as a teenager, it got my mind going about why there weren’t more places like this, especially in a place like southern New Jersey. This resource wasteland could absolutely a one-stop shop for people’s well-being. This became my vision.

Fast forward through the next two decades. I graduate high school. I get accepted to Rowan University as a psychology major. I go back to Rowan for my master’s degree in mental health counseling. I obtain my professional license to practice counseling independently. All along the way, I take positions in a variety of settings, working with chaotic, difficult cases, and fulfilling supervisory positions.

I did all of this with my vision in mind. I wanted to the culmination of experience, knowledge, and connections to eventually make this daydream and concrete reality.

Then, about 15 years after I embarked on this journey, I finally felt confident enough to take the leap of faith. I opened You First Integrative Wellness in the heart of Cherry Hill, New Jersey. It started off with two interns, my assistant, and myself. My staff now has around 20 people at any given point, and I am offering counseling, wellness coaching, ADHD coaching, massage therapy, yoga, career counseling, animal-assisted therapy, and support groups. All while we hold community events and donate to local mental health causes. This is everything I worked for, but at what price?

They don’t teach you how to be a business owner when you go to therapist school. Taking on that role has been one of, if not, the biggest challenge in my professional career. In just over two years’ time, I learned that being a therapist was the easy part. Being a business owner with a decent-sized staff comes with a HUGE learning curve.

That role transition did not come without cost. It has put significant financial strain on my home and family. I accumulated tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Every payroll brings with it panic attacks. Thankfully, my family, friends, and girlfriend have been nothing but supportive during these struggles. For that (and you know who you are), I am forever grateful in that they have helped get this far.

However, how long can you keep up with a vicious cycle that wears and tears on your mental health? It feels like I am asking, “How many licks to the middle of a Tootsie Pop?” Based on my calculations and trajectory, an individual can last at least two years at this rate, but I am sure as hell at the end of my rope. *Cue deep, dark depression*

I am standing at the ledge ready to give up. It hurts to think that something that you worked towards for almost twenty years might be floating away. What makes it harder is when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are three or four revenue-generating ideas I have that could easily have my practice hitting a stride. It’s disheartening. Discouraging. Disgusting.

I just wanted the people of southern New Jersey to have a safe place where the client knows they are a priority (“You First”) and nurture their well-being.. All parts of it. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, occupational, etc. And I pride myself on trying to keep my services accessible either through taking insurance, donations, and taking insurance. I definitely don’t make as much as cash pay private practices, but that’s not the point. I want people to get the help they need and especially in an area that traditionally has not offered it. My long-term plan was to expand south back into my region and give back to the region.

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what I am really looking for by writing this post. I am not by any means looking for pity. Maybe validation? I don’t know. I have been far from perfect in my life. I have made my mistakes. I experienced my trauma over the years. Yet somehow, I am still here.

I guess I just want to let anyone know who reads this not to give up. I know there is at least someone out there who has been in the same dark place. I know I am not alone. I am down, but I am not out. I spent all day calling, researching, and weighing out my options. I am going to make it work. As hard as it is, hang onto that motivation. You will get there. You have my support in what you are doing.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

-The Caring Counselor