The Caring Counselor

Tonight’s post takes on more of a raw vent session. I haven’t written in a few weeks, and lord knows I need it. I am at my wit’s end. For a while now, life pummels me with obstacle after obstacle. I walk through one door only to be smacked in the face by the next.

I admit that I am one resilient motherfucker, but when can I get a fucking break here? Every major facet of my life took a turn bitch slapping me over the last six months.

It feels a lot like the song “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba.

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

But repeat that verse about ten times. Like I said, I can take a beating, but I am still a goddamn human. I’m turning into Ron Burgundy.

You get the idea. I am dealing with a lot here. So many emotions. So much energy to stay afloat. Nothing left to give, which is a feeling I don’t like at all. The majority of the situations have been out of my control as well. I will say that I am surprised that I am not having a full mental breakdown yet. Usually, by now, I would. It’s been hard for me to even find time to engage in my coping skills.

I guess the self-care aspect of this post is that I am allowing myself to sit with these feelings. That was something I avoided not even that long ago. I realize I have to confront this shit head on. I have no fucking choice. I think I am more pissed off than anything else right now. When I get like this, I use that anger as a catalyst for change. I problem solve like a motherfucker. That’s exactly what I was doing today. Throughout the last week, I definitely had a few difficult conversations that most people would just never have.

I want things to get better. I am not giving up, but this shit fucking sucks.

-The Caring Counselor