The Caring Counselor

Good lord. I feel like a whiny bitch at this point. I moan and groan about the same things week in and week out. Feeling stretched thin with work. Money not growing on trees. Lack of social interaction. My chronic illnesses kicking my ass. Yeah, we get it. You have a lot going on.

After annoying myself with this cycle, it came to a head this week. Life piled on from all directions. I sat on my office couch and cried. A solid half hour of streaming tears. More than my eyes watering up from “allergies” but not quite Kim Kardashian ugly cry. I asked for a break from somewhere, anywhere. It was just all too much, and the episodes felt more frequent. Being stretched so thin, normally small daily hassles could be enough to snap my mental rubber band.

Although my thoughts went to a dark place, I kept my rational mind intact. Once I calmed down a little, I worked on a plan. That has always helped bring me some peace of mind. Knowing what tangible steps to take next granted a sense of control. It brought the known to what was unknown. I took the day off because I was obviously in no shape to counsel others. Thankfully, my therapy appointment was only a couple hours away.

I reflected too on what I needed and on what had been missing. It came down to two ideas. Having little to no time took away from my overall connection to the world. I felt isolated my loved ones. I pulled away in an effort to protect myself. I detached emotionally from my work, which I was usually passionate about. Auto pilot activated.

That was the first objective. I need to feel connected again. This can come in many different forms. Taking time throughout the day to chat with my girlfriend. Reaching out and scheduling activities with my friends. Using my social support even in a professional capacity.

Along those same lines though, the detachment didn’t allow for me to feel my feelings. I went about each week acting like I was doing okay and skating by. I was skating by, but deep down, I was not okay. It was a form of denial. Time for a reality check. I am stressed. I am upset occasionally given the amount of crap I am doing. I am allowed to not be okay all the time. However, bottling it up eventually catches up to you. That’s where the cycle picked up. Hold it in, fill up, and burst. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Let’s hope this works. Stay tuned…

-The Caring Counselor