The Caring Counselor

….And for good reason!

The entire week leading up to my Wednesday afternoon appointment felt like one big blur. An underlying feeling of insecurity plagued my soul, and it sparked serious internal anxiety. I found myself second guessing every decision. I didn’t feel confident in any context.

Some context for you. During my therapy session the prior Wednesday, I got into a heavy topic. My therapist and I touched on my everlasting want to feel ‘wanted.’ This arose in the context of how my trauma formulated my yearning for it. It also explained why I always chased after it. It was one of those moments where my chest grew tight, and my eyes welled up. The downside to this experience – it hit me with five minutes left in the session. There wasn’t nearly enough time to process it. Unfortunately then, we ended on a cliffhanger.

That hanging thread nagged me for an entire week. It also fueled an already burning fire that slowly engulfed my soulful forest during the course of the summer. An old core belief of “not doing/being enough” loomed overhead. For weeks. I put my family, relationship, business, employees, and clients above my own needs. It caught up to me to say the least. The burnout was very real.

A perfect storm of constantly putting others ahead of myself struck at my heartstrings. I felt invalidated, unwanted, and insufficient. My self-esteem felt like two tectonic plates prepping for a size 8.0 panic attack. It definitely didn’t hit me at first as to why I felt this way. I took some time on the day before my therapy session to reflect. I thought about the timing of the feeling and why I am feeling this way. I used my awareness to my advantage. I made the conscious decision to bring it back up in therapy the next day.

When the session finally rolled around, I wasted no time getting into it. I wanted to confront this feeling, understand it, process it, and live my life confidently. Once we got around to the putting my others before myself, my therapist’s passionate side kicked in. “You need to take care of yourself!” I shrunk back in my chair. Here I am as a therapist and someone who preaches self-care, and I can’t practice what I preach. Not gonna lie. I had a moment of self-disappointment because I worked so hard to build self-care into my routine. Here I am writing about it on a weekly basis for you. But I lost track of its importance and how it keeps me sane. It gives me a foundation to fall back onto. Otherwise, there would eventually be nothing left for me to give.

My homework this week – self-care.

-The Caring Counselor