The Caring Counselor

Time for some word vomit. I’m done in. I’m fried. I’m burnt out. I don’t know how else to say it. I’ve had so much shit going on the last 4-6 weeks that I honestly don’t know how I didn’t snap earlier.

My work schedule is kicking my ass. I’m busting said ass to get ahead a bit right now and catch up on bills. I have to say that it is working, but it leaves little room for fun and downtime. Working on the brink has also slowly sucked the energy out of me. I wouldn’t say it happened overnight, but it feels like someone didn’t turn the faucet all the way off. Each night, it just drips out a bit more without really seeing a difference in the levels until it is too late.

Now, if my day-to-day routine stays consistent, then I can usually ride out a tough schedule for a few months, but not when shit starts hitting the fan. Just in the last four weeks with work, I had two nerve-racking situations dealing with suicidal clients and another client passing away suddenly from health issues.

As a result, I grasped at any and all feelings that I could muster up out of an already depleted tank. This morning, I went to my office and thought I’d be okay. I started talking to my assistant and within a couple minutes found myself raising my voice over the dumbest shit. I got into an argument with her over minute details for a marketing event. When she left my office, I just looked at my desk and said to myself, “I’m fucking done.”

I didn’t mean it in a way that I was going to hurt myself or anything, but I was definitely at my emotional limit. I was at full capacity. I literally couldn’t even.

1, 3, 5, 7, 9…. get it?

I just couldn’t take anymore. I reached my limit, and I knew it. If I was that on edge with her, there was no way in hell I’d be able to handle an emotionally volatile client. I packed up my bag, apologized to her, and went home.

Now, is that one day off going to reboot my systems and fix everything? Probably not. It gives me a chance to at least batten down the hatches for another week or so. (I do have a break coming in about two weeks.) I just can’t stress enough to people that you need to know your own limits. There are just going to be days where you aren’t capable of even doing the bare minimum. You know what? That’s ok. Just rest, and do so with intent. Get your head back in the game, and go forth.

– The Caring Counselor