The Caring Counselor

This week’s post serves as a follow-up to last week’s. Feel free to check it out here: https://atomic-temporary-130610338.wpcomstaging.com/2024/02/12/to-the-point/

I finally practiced what I preached. Without going into too much personal detail, my mom made some questionable remarks recently that left me feeling hurt. She and I have a bit of a rough history that has significantly improved over the last few years. I put a lot of work in our communication, setting boundaries, forgiveness, and expectations. During that same timeframe, my mom definitely acted more like a mom.

After she made two or three comments in about as many weeks, I felt like we might regress after I put all of this hard work in. Now, I am usually a straightshooter, but I did not have it in me to even try with her. My confrontations with her often become emotionally charged and draining. My stress levels have been through the roof with work and finances, so my emotional capacity just has not been there.

The other night I called my mom just to check in. It was our first conversation in a few days, and it went well. In my head, I said, “You know what. Fuck it. I’m going for it.”

I brought up my concerns to my mom. I went into this conversation with the “hope for the best, prepare for the worst” mentality. Right off the bat, it went surprisingly well. My mom listened to what I had to say. I didn’t get heated and stayed calm while talking to her. I followed up with a clarifying question to see if she understood why I was upset. It turned out she didn’t. I talked through it and provided two specific examples. I followed it up by explaining how I felt invalidated and hurt. She explained her perspective and what she actually meant.

So through direct communication, my mom and I were able to clear the air. It turned out that my mental filter interpreted her comments in a particular way, which is not how they were meant to be. It also got another good conversation going about our flaws and how we handled them. It went better than I expected, but it definitely highlighted the benefits of being direct and honest. It does work sometimes.

-The Caring Counselor